My life was going so great up until a week ago. I had been accepted to the Utah Valley University Elementary Education program and my relationship with Scott couldn't have better. Then Wednesday had to come... I ended up having this strong feeling that I needed to not be dating Scott right now and it was just overwhelming so what did I do... I broke up with him. However, lucky for me I was driving up to Provo that day in order to meet with the last advisor before I accepted to join the Elementary Education program.
I went to the meeting with my advisor first and in that meeting basically it ended with me signing the paper saying thanks for accepting me, but I'm not going to do the program. My parents, advocate, and I decided it would be too difficult for me at this point in my life so I signed that dream of mine away.
Right after that meeting I went over to see Scott, joy! However, Scott wasn't home yet from work and I knew that so I stayed in my car and called to talk with my mom. Basically that conversation I just bawled my eyes out, not so much about me not doing the program, but more because I was just about to break up with the boy I love most.
Then Scott came home and as soon as he saw me on the phone talking with my mom with my eyes full of tears he knew it wasn't going to be good. So he came over and opened up my door and just sat by me. Then my mom started talking about me breaking up with him and I did a good job about quickly turning down the volume on my phone and telling him to leave. It was a good thing he didn't hear anything, but his name.
When he came back to the car I got off the phone with my mom and I didn't think I could cry anymore or I should say harder, but I did. He just looked at me and said asked what was wrong I told him and just cried because I really didn't want to break up with him. He knows I really didn't want to and it was and still is the hardest thing in the world to not be with him. Although it is really hard for me, he is having a MUCH harder time with us not dating and just being friends. That about kills me.
Wednesday was UGLY! I didn't think things could get much worse and thankfully I had a 99.7 fever. Great right? No, well yes I did have that bad a of fever, but I also had a final in both soccer and racquetball. Good thing I won both finals! Wahoo! That day was a good one minus getting way sick.
Sunday was hard too because I totally forgot until the day before, but it was family day. Basically one Sunday durning the fall semester our ward invites all of the parents/families to come and after our meetings we have a dinner. It is great... if you have a family here, which I don't. Yeah can you say homesick!!! I wanted my mom with me on Wednesday to help me, but now I had to deal with seeing everyone with their moms and being even more lonely! AWESOME!
Yesterday was alright. Since I didn't do the Elementary Education program I needed to choose a new major and quick. Well I love teaching and have always wanted to be a teacher. Before I was having a hard time deciding if I wanted to be an Elementary or Secondary (PE or Math) teacher. Guess that was kinda made for me now right. All I need to pick now is PE or math, which will be kinda hard. It does let me breath a little though knowing I have those back ups.
READY FOR THIS... I AM BLINDSIDED!!! I just got an email from the Secondary advisor and the same reason why I didn't do the Elementary Education program is also required for Secondary Education. GREAT! I am just full of luck! AHHHHH I am just about ready to give up. I think Heavenly Father is trying to guide me somewhere, but the only thing I can think of is to go on a mission, but I need to meet with a counselor program thing to see if I can. The only reason why I have to ask them is because they are paying for all of my schooling and I have no clue if I am allowed to take a break from school. Ah If I am not allowed to take a break from school to go on a mission I am SCREWED!!!!
3 comments:
Wow! We need to talk!! Love you and big hugs from me to you xxoo
You can do it Cait! You've helped so many people through tough times, and I know you can do anything! Especially since you've got the Lord on your side. :) I promise you, pain like this is definitely worth the growth and perspective you gain along the way! (P.S listen to Stronger by Sarah Evans... not all the lyrics apply exactly, but the message does. :) Love you!) Call me anytime you wanna visit. :)
Wo, wo, wo! Slow down and breathe!! You weren't very clear on why you broke up with Scott...you probably need to message me. And why did you decide to NOT do the program? Another message.
Don't worry. All will be well. I promise!
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